abnib quotes

Old quotes from the era of the RockMonkey Quotes Pages and the first generation of Abnib Quotes.

Quote #1

<Andy Keohane> punctuation is for whimps
<Clare Q> so is spelling, apparently

Quote #2

Paul Mann: Did you just spill my pint, Rockboy?
Andy Keohane: no I picked it up drained it and broke the glass on your face you third rate idiot
(Note: Didn't actually happen)- because if rockmonkey drained a pint he'd probably fall over

Quote #3

Andy Keohane: Tonight I'm technically a woman.

Quote #4

Andy Keohane: The countryside doesn't look as green at night.

Quote #5

Andy Keohane: Is the 24hr Spar still open?
Ruth Varley: [mocks]
Andy Keohane: Well, I didn't know when it closed...

Quote #6

Andy Keohane: Rocks are hard.

Quote #7

Andy Keohane: Well, we could watch 'The Ring' or I could sit here and practice my 27 types of evil laugh.
Ruth Varley: You have 27 evil laughs?
Andy Keohane: Well... it's more than 15...

Quote #8

Faye Bromilow: What's the capital of New Zealand?
Andy Keohane: Erm hold on begins with an A..... Wellington.

Quote #9

Faye Bromilow: you seen this (points to article about Paul McCartney and Heather Mills spliting up).
Andy Keohane: Thats a little wierd anyway he's what 25 years older than her? When he was out touring she could barely walk.
Faye Bromilow: (waits for Andy to realise what he's just said)
Andy Keohane: that sounds really harsh actually didn't it?
(For those of you still not getting this Heather Mills lost a leg in 1993)

Quote #15

Adam Westwood: (to Rory Prior) Don't be such a fucking poof!

Quote #16

An example of what happens when Mac users are allowed to talk to Linux users:
Rory Prior: Ugh! Is that a web browser? It looks all... texty...
Paul Mann: It's a text editor.

Quote #17

Suz Chilestone: (referring to Chuzzle) If you tickle the big ones it makes them throw up. I thought it would be really disgusting, but it's just stars. I wish when I threw up it was stars instead of, like, Weetabix

Quote #21

Suz Chilestone: I've had an apple, I'm all sugared up!

Quote #25

Discussing why we're still waiting for the pizza
Bryn Salisbury: Well, they did say 45 minutes... how long has it been?
Paul Mann: about 40 minutes
Bryn Salisbury: Let's give them another 5 minutes then

Quote #26

Paul Mann: Do you have any shirts that aren't Black, Blue or Grey?
Bryn Salisbury: I have some beige ones...

Quote #27

After catching sight of a poster for some kittens needing a new home
Heather Charlton: Do you want a cat?
Bryn Salisbury: No thanks, I've already eaten

Quote #28

Jimmy Carter: Is she on steering?
Bryn Salisbury: No, we don't have any female women on steering.

Quote #29

AlecR: [refering to video clips] This isn't hardcore enough for me. Nobody's getting hurt and there isn't boobies and jiggling.
Bryn Salisbury: Yeah: where is Paul?

Quote #30

(Informed that Gareth would be returning)
Bryn Salisbury: It'll be nice to have Gareth back. Not that I've ever met him.

Quote #31

Bryn Salisbury: I was raised by a pack of wild wolves
Claire Q: Wolves? In Wales?
Bryn Salisbury: Okay then. I was raised by a pack of wild kittens....

Quote #32

(Holding bondage tape)
Bryn Salisbury (to Paul Mann): Don't make me wrap you up in this stuff...

Quote #33

(Discussing Alcoholics Anonymous leaflet from the 1950's)
Kit Lane: Well to be fair, Alcoholics Anonymous hasn't changed a whole lot
Bryn Salisbury: You mean they are still full of alcoholics, and they still want to be anonymous?

Quote #34

Bryn Salisbury: (Talking to Liz Hague on the phone) How big are your fish?... little? ... as small as the thumbnail on your little finger?

Quote #35

Bryn Salisbury: I sense I'm being mocked...

Quote #36

AlecR (having just arrived back in Aber): Hows Liz?
Bryn Salisbury: She's very very good...

Quote #37

Paul Mann (hearing siren): How does height perception actually work?
Bryn Salisbury: Perception of ...?
Paul Mann: Height.

Quote #38

Bryn Salisbury: Aww... Its all in Welsh...
Kit Lane: But you can read Welsh.
Bryn Salisbury: Yeah, but I dont want to.

Quote #39

Claire Q: Bryn, Bryn, Van de Graaff chin!

Quote #42

Dan Q wakes up Claire Q
Dan Q: Right; I'm off to work.
Claire Q: Don't you need me?
Dan Q: What for?
Claire Q: The pair... stand thing.
Dan Q: The pear stand thing? (in a background process, he's going through all of the permutations of meaning of pear, pare, and pair, and all the meanings of stand, in order to try to work out what she might mean)
Claire Q: The pair stand... thing.
Dan Q: Are you dreaming?
Claire Q: NO!
Dan Q: Sorry, just thought I'd ask, because I don't know what a pair stand thing is.
Claire Q: (frustrated) It's a stand that takes two people!
Dan Q: (looks baffled)
Claire Q: I probably am dreaming. (falls asleep)

Quote #43

Claire Q: What's Waggle Dance [a beer] made with? Bees?

Quote #44

Claire Q: You've got more fingers than I thought you had.

Quote #49

Claire Q: It seems a bit chavvy to be eating pet food... but it's really nice!

Quote #52

Claire Q (arguing with Jimmy): I'm NOT drunk.
Jimmy Carter: You're slurring!
Claire Q: I'm not! I'm being very carefuw to pwonownce my consomonsts.

Quote #53

while at Buffy Night: we've just seen Buffy hold an upset character against her chest
Dan Q: Here! Have some breasts!
Claire Q: Breasts make the pain go away.
Claire Q: Well. Unless you've got breast cancer.

Quote #54

Clare Q] I don't have enough bras anyway
Clare Q] the one I was wearing yesterday has fallen apart from the strain

Quote #55

Claire Q: You're funny when I'm drunk.

Quote #61

Dan Q: You're drunk.
Claire Q: Yeah.
Dan Q: You should have stopped drinking a long time ago.
Claire Q: But then I'd have a hangover.

Quote #65

Dan Q: ...that is, if I can get a straight answer out of Paul.
Claire Q: You're about as likely to get a straight answer from Paul as you are to get a straight walk from Adam.

Quote #71

Claire Q: There's gravy on the phone and it makes it sound... beefy.

Quote #77

Dan Q: Claire doesn't like carrot cake.
Becky Huntley: (to Claire) Have you ever tried carrot cake?
Claire Q nods
Becky Huntley: (to Claire) And did you like it?
Claire Q nods
Becky Huntley: (to Claire) So... do you like carrot cake?
Claire Q shakes head

Quote #81

Claire Q: Hobgoblin tastes chocolatey after beer.

Quote #88

Claire Q: (remarking on how much better Heather Charlton is at Wii Sports Tennis than her) Remember those three love games we got last time?
Heather Charlton: You mean you don't love playing tennis with me any more?
Claire Q: I always get lots of love when I play with you. No... wait...

Quote #89

Claire Q: You're sexy when you sneeze.
Claire Q: I think I might have had too much to drink.

Quote #90

Dan Q: (sings) The sun has got his hat on...
Claire Q: Where? (looks at the sun) Ow!

Quote #92

Claire Q: Hmm... your face... it's all in the middle of your head!

Quote #94

Dan Q: If you want to make money in this world you need to be selling drugs, operating systems, or religion.
Claire Q: The problem with all of those things is vendor lock-in.

Quote #97

Claire Q: I don't know enough French to know what I'm saying.

Quote #99

Claire Q: (after a few beers) You're not telling me that... lolri is the plurus of walral...
Dan Q: Umm... what?

Quote #100

Claire Q: Don't we already have computerised computers?

Quote #108

(Discussing the woman who had the implant but got pregnant despite it being 99.91% effective)
Claire Q: ...so it turns out no forms of contraception are 100% effective
Paul Mann: Well... you could abstain. Or be gay.
Claire Q: Isn't that the same thing?

Quote #111

Claire Q: Autogynephilia? "The Love of Oneself as a Woman"? What a load of bollocks.

Quote #113

Robin Varley holds up a copy of 'Front'
Ruth Varley: Believe it or not, I have seen breasts before.
Robin Varley: Really? What are they like?

Quote #114

(Alex Matthews is doing a long, simple manual process - removing certain lines from a text file - that could be done better by a computer algorithm
Dan Q: You know, you could have done that in about a quarter of the time with a simple regular expression...
Alex Matthews: (frustrated) You always have to have a better way, don't you? I'll bet if *I* stood over *your* shoulder and watched *you* work, *I* could find a better way.
Dan Q: Alex; if I was working and you were watching, you already would have found a better way.

Quote #115

Dan Q (drunk): You're all... breasts and arse...
Claire Q: No, that's just your head.
Dan Q: My head is all breasts and arse?

Quote #118

Bryn Salisbury and Dan Q are discussing something wide.
Dan Q: (crudely) Yeah; it was about as wide as your mum's fanny.
Bryn Salisbury: (retorts, humourously) Wasn't that wide when I last saw it.
Dan Q: (retorts, brilliantly) That's because you last saw it when your head was being squeezed through it.

Quote #119

Matt Reynolds: Is there a website where you can actually register for spam?
Dan Q: Yea, hotmail.

Quote #120

Dan Q: Is that source highlighting? Oh BABY!!!

Quote #123

Dan Q: We could hold it every other Tuesday that isn't Tuesday.

Quote #124

Dan Q: I don't like errors that users can cause!

Quote #126

Bryn Salisbury: (talking to Paul Mann) I very rarely know what you're doing
Dan Q: And more importantly, we rarely understand
Paul Mann: Hooray! I'm cryptic!

Quote #127

Paul Mann: Ooh. "Curious and Interesting Numbers" (holding one of Dan's books with this title)
Dan Q: Yeah. It's got some good numbers in it.

Quote #128

Bryn Salisbury: We rule!
Paul Mann: What? Welsh people?
Dan Q: No, not Welsh people. They don't even rule Wales.

Quote #132

Dan Q (To Claire Q): "Shall we go and see if the Elvis impersonator is real?"

Quote #133

Dan Q: Are you saying that a website that said "I am gay!" would be less gay than my website?
Claire Q: Yes.

Quote #134

Dan Q: Pagan Wanderer Lu is like the Marmite of music.
Bryn Salisbury: He'll love that.
Dan Q: Or hate it.

Quote #136

Heather Charlton (explaining why she can't use the shiny bottle Nick gave her for her birthday): I think one is supposed to push the top bit in, but it needs to be done with the mouth and I don't think my face is strong enough.

Quote #137

Heather Charlton: Do you think it would be a good idea?
Beast: I wouldn't see any problem with it
Heather Charlton: That's not entirely the same thing as a good idea. There's no **problem** with tipping a bucket of (non-toxic) paint over oneself, but it doesn't make it a good idea...

Quote #138

Heather Charlton: Not everything on the internet is true.
Bryn Salisbury: Heathen!
Heather Charlton: No, Heather!

Quote #139

Bryn Salisbury has just given Heather Charlton a necklace
Bryn Salisbury: So you like it then?
Heather Charlton: It's a mobius strip made of metal! what's ****not**** to like?

Quote #140

Faye Bromilow: I might be a murderer! (pretends to murder Heather)
Heather Charlton: Aaagh! I've just.... elbowed myself in the face with your elbow.

Quote #141

Heather Charlton: I'm allergic to Wednesdays.

Quote #142

Heather Charlton: If some cynics buy a huge armoured vehicle, is it a skeptic tank?

Quote #143

Nick: You have that effect on -e6-3e
Heather Charlton: -e6-3e?
Nick: 6h, n40ber 36c2 = oh, number lock...
Nick: people

Quote #144

Faye Bromilow reading varsity menu: Ooh cajun mushroom boats
Heather Charlton: Cage and..what? Oh... cajun.

Quote #145

Heather Charlton: Slovakia used to be a country, but then it turned into a small dog.
Heather Charlton: Go on, Slovakia: sit. There's a good boy!

Quote #146

Heather Charlton: I could procrastinate for England, If I ever got around to it

Quote #147

Heather Charlton: (exasperated) Bryn! are you making a point or just speaking for the hell of it?!

Quote #148

Heather Charlton: That's like the pot calling the kettle black! Except not, because I'm not a kettle, because **I** didn't trip over the wire!

Quote #149

Heather Charlton: (After having watched 'New York: 2019' and the original Tetris advert) I've just died of an "80s" overdose.

Quote #150

Heather Charlton: If I maintain my velocity in any direction that isn't towards the floor, I won't fall over

Quote #151

Beth Hull: So what are you animating?
Jimmy Carter (Physics Student!): Its this really cool animation to show the sun going around the earth.

Quote #154

Dan Q is drawing pixel-art stars: very small
Claire Q: Why don't you draw them bigger, now that you've got the space.
Dan Q: gesturing to the size of the space the image has to fit in I *haven't* got the space.
Jimmy Carter: You *have* got the space. You've got the whole internet!

Quote #157

(Some of Jimmy's stock words and phrases to people like Sundeep Braich)
Jimmy Carter: Crazy bitch.
Jimmy Carter: I'm ignoring you.
Jimmy Carter: You fool.

Quote #161

Bryn Salisbury: Let's watch TheITCrowd with L33t subtitles!
Jimmy Carter: No, because that would be gay. Let's watch Angel.
Bryn Salisbury: Yeah, cos that's something that heterosexual men are well-known for watching...
Jimmy Carter: Hey! There are a lot of attractive men in... I meant WOMEN! WOMEN!

Quote #163

* slashtom is disturbed imagining pacifist naked
< Jimmy Carter> we all are, slashtom. We all are.
<pacifist_049> oi
< Jimmy Carter> ...disturbed, I mean.

Quote #165

Ruth Varley: Well I can't imagine anything less gay than potholing!

Quote #169

Dan Q: Ruth, your clitoris doesn't work.
Ruth Varley: No, it doesn't. It has a mouse hanging off it.

Quote #170

Ruth Varley: That's not me talking, that's the Absinthe talking.

Quote #171

Ruth Varley: Walrus is a vegetable!

Quote #173

Ruth Varley: No-one can help the operating system they were born with...

Quote #176

Ruth Varley: They should make Aberystwyth the capital of England.

Quote #178

Ruth Varley (reading the text on a custom-printed T-shirt) Your breasts have really poor grammar.

Quote #180

Ruth and JTA are talking about the colour of Ruth's eyes]
JTA: What colour were they when you were born?
Ruth Varley: I don't know, I wasn't there.

Quote #181

Ruth Varley: When does the 2005 directory come out?

Quote #182

Ruth Varley is talking about the program she's just learnt to write]
JTA: What's it for?
Ruth Varley: I don't know, I just know how to write it.

Quote #183

Ruth Varley: Did they have Welsh people in Mediaeval times?

Quote #184

Ruth Varley: [looking at the moon] Hey, the sun is yellow!
(general mockery)
Ruth Varley: Um, I meant the moon...

Quote #185

is describing the story line of 'The Craft'
Bryn Salisbury: It's this story about four teenagers who become witches.
Ruth Varley: Is that witches with a 'W' or witches with a 'C'?

Quote #187

Ruth Varley is working on JTA's computer and gets annoyed]
JTA: You're cross with it for not being Linux, aren't you?
Ruth Varley: Yes! If it's going to be an operating system, it should do it properly.

Quote #188

JTA: (observing Ruth's drunken-ness) Shall I take you home.
Ruth Varley: No; I'm looking at the swirly ceiling.

Quote #189

Dan Q is having to explain a joke to Paul Mann. is being obtuse, and it's funny.
Ruth Varley: You two should do comedy together. Paul can be your straight man.

Quote #190

Ruth Varley: Stop quoting me, it's not fair, I don't say things.

Quote #191

Ruth Varley: Oh lord! An hour passed since I looked at my watch five minutes ago.

Quote #201

Paul Mann is offering ice-cream
Claire Q: I won't have it now, I'm going to the loo.
Ruth Varley: There's also a bath in there...
Claire Q: ...
Ruth Varley: Because you can eat ice-cream in the bath, but you can't eat it on the toilet.

Quote #203

Claire Q: The zombies are breeding!
Paul Mann: Umm... how?
Ruth Varley: Osmosis?

Quote #204

Ruth Varley: You shave your balls? You girl!

Quote #205

(courtesy of #rockmonkey)
10:21 * Bryn Salisbury is going to the hat shop in a bit :)
10:34 Bryn Salisbury: what type of hat do you all think it will be? :)
10:35 Claire Q: Well, given it's a hat shop, rather than millets or something, I think it will be some sort of fedora-esque one
10:35 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:37 Paul Mann: Pork-pie
10:37 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:37 Paul Mann: Beret
10:37 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:37 Paul Mann: Top hat
10:37 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:37 Paul Mann: Bowler
10:37 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:37 Paul Mann: Trilby (sp)
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: Straw
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: Hard
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: One with a feather
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: Cap
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: Australian
10:38 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:38 Paul Mann: Russian
10:39 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:39 Paul Mann: Mortarboard
10:39 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:39 Paul Mann: Davy Crockett
10:39 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:39 Paul Mann: Zoot Suit hat
10:39 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:39 Paul Mann: Cashier's visor
10:39 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:40 Paul Mann: One of those official Welsh hats
10:40 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:40 Paul Mann: Bonnet
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:42 Paul Mann: Sombrero
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:42 Paul Mann: Fez
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:42 Paul Mann: Tin-foil
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: nope
10:42 Paul Mann: Give up.
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: Panama
10:42 Paul Mann: I said "straw". That counts.
10:42 Bryn Salisbury: pfft

Quote #206

Paul Mann: Where's the vagina? Is that the vagina?
Claire Q: That's the uterus.
Paul Mann: What does the vagina look like, then?
(amazingly, this makes sense in context)

Quote #209

Paul Mann (drunk): Yeah, I think you can do a tequila sunset with rum [instead of tequila]. It's called... a tequila sunrise.

Quote #211

Dan Q: Paul's the only person in the world who can set fire to microwave popcorn.
Paul Mann: Anyone can do it. It just takes time.

Quote #212

Paul Mann: Ruby? You might as well just ask somebody else to write the code for you...

Quote #216

Paul Mann: Terrorists raise more terrorists, just like gays raise more gays.

Quote #217

Bryn Salisbury (having been teasing Paul for awhile by pretending not to understand what he's saying): It's okay, Paul... I know what you mean really! I was doing what is called "yanking your chain".
Paul Mann: My chain is not to be yanked lightly!

Quote #218

Paul Mann: Bryn should never have a girlfriend - she'd just try to burn him while he slept.

Quote #221

Paul Mann: I wouldn't say Bryn is discreet, but when he was born no-one noticed until he told them...
(Note - no offence was intended but it seemed funny at the time)

Quote #222

(discussing the best way to take photos and get them onto a PC without using a digital camera)
Dan Q: You could always use a negative scanner...
Paul Mann: What, a printer?

Quote #226

Paul Mann: Have creme eggs got smaller? I'm sure you used to be able to eat them with a spoon. Maybe spoons have got bigger...

Quote #231

Paul Mann (discussing variants of 'snap'): We could have Prime Number Snap, where if the last two cards played multiply together to make a prime number, you can 'snap' it.

Quote #232

Paul Mann: Wow! I wonder how much a ton of chocolate weighs...

Quote #234

Bryn Salisbury: I can't hear you.
Paul Mann: I can't hear you, either.

Quote #245

Bryn Salisbury: BBC Weather was reporting it as being -3°C
Paul Mann: That's still above zero...

Quote #251

(Kit Lane explains that tinned food has to be sealed in a vacuum)
Paul Mann: So tinned hamburgers have to be soaked in something.... Brine?
Kit Lane: No, they're probably just really tightly packed
Paul Mann: What about salt water?
Kit Lane: That is brine. Muppet.

Quote #259

Ruth Varley: You're not really straight at all, are you?
JTA: I am, I'd just totally do Colin Firth, Richard Gere or Richard Thompson.
Ruth Varley: Or Tim Curry?
JTA: Hell yeah!

Quote #263

JTA: I don't have a *gay* box; I only get the normal four channels.
Dan Q: Er. Five.
JTA: Yeah; the normal four channels. And channel five.

Quote #266

JTA: I support Welsh but don't speak it, like I support gay people but don't have sex with them.

Quote #267

(Ruth and JTA are packing things and find an old copy of Win 98)
JTA: We should keep it! If we ever run out of things to put on computers, we can install this on one. We can call it Mr Crashy, it can be our friend - for five minutes every day...

Quote #272

JTA: Newtown have EXCELLENT faggots on the market!

Quote #277

Ruth Varley: Even Dan?
JTA: I love Dan. In a Greek way.
JTA: I mean... not with the BumSex... I mean... the OTHER Greek way. NOT WITH THE BUMSEX!

Quote #283

JTA: The sky has freckles!

Quote #284

JTA: Giving money to Paul is like putting blood into a stone.

Quote #287

[JTA and Ruth Varley are walking along the sea-front on a misty evening]
Ruth Varley: Hey, look, the moon's all fuzzy.
JTA: The sky needs degaussing. I just can't reach the two buttons.

Quote #289

<Ruth Varley> hehe, can we have a national 'pretend to be chatbots' day?
<Dan Q> Surfboard!

Quote #290

<Bryn Salisbury> slacker
<Gareth Bowker> no, procrastinator. there's a difference =)
<Gareth Bowker> I know, because I looked it up while I should have been doing something else ;)

Quote #291

<Dan Q> Iggy, who would win in a fight between Ava and Bryn?
* Dan Q sharpens weapons
<Igneous> Claire Melton.
<Dan Q> Oh.
<Bryn Salisbury> hehe
<Dan Q> Okay.
<Gareth> Iggy's got a point
<Bryn Salisbury> he/she/it is probably right
<Igneous> Huzzah!

Quote #292

Sian Thomas are you a lesbian iggy?
<Igneous> only because my tampon fell off
<Dan Huntley> ROFLMAO

Quote #293

<Dan Huntley> iggy, what is Bryn Salisbury?
<Igneous> a ginger welshman i guess

Quote #294

<rockmonky> iggy, JTA is a confused WordMonkey
<rockmonky> iggy what is JTA?
<Igneous> A jangling submissive i think.

Quote #295

<Pete Sloss> where is this fire planned for btw?
<Andy Keohane> Branwens
<Andy Keohane> ....
<Andy Keohane> I mean the beach

Quote #296

* RockMonky has quit IRC ("leaves for Faye's (sex)")

Quote #298

<Igneous> Ruthvarle you're looking especially shagworthy today
<Ruthvarle> Why, thank you Iggy.
* Ruthvarle goes to find clothes.

Quote #299

<Claire Q> Iggy what is Igneous?
<Igneous> I think it's a parrot.
<Jimmy Carter> He seems fixed on the parrot idea...
<Bryn Salisbury> seems strangely appropriate
<Jimmy Carter> Iggy, are you just a parrot?
<Igneous> yes and i wont stop till my mouth bounces off!
<Jimmy Carter> I think that settles it.

Quote #300

* Dan Q has joined #RockMonkey
<Ruth Varley> Boo!
* Dan Q has quit (EOF From client)
<Ruth Varley> Aw, I scared him

Quote #301

<Paul Mann> Penguins are like Lemmings, but simpler and shareware

Quote #305

* Gareth Bowker munches his way through 3 avocados
<Dan Q> What are you, the very hungry caterpillar?

Quote #306

<Gareth Bowker> why is it so difficult to get hold of a solicitor who'll work for free?
<Gareth Bowker> oh yeah, hang on, I just answered my own question
<Dan Q_> It's a good question though.
<Dan Q_> Finding software engineers who work for free is as easy as configuring sendmail.
<Dan Q_> Sadly, they'll probably produce sendmail.

Quote #308

Shingai who's Gareth Bowker?
<Dan Q> The new bot.

Quote #309

<lemon_kel> i googled for irc aberysthwuth
<Dan Q> Cool. Good job we came up before #aber, eh?
<lemon_kel> there was another place but they kept sewaring lol
<Dan Q> Ah; I guess we didn't.

Quote #314

<Clare Q> just had a really good argument about whethere there's such a thing as a fact
<Paul Mann> No, there isn't. FACT.

Quote #315

<Andy Keohane> does anyone know where i can find a report that says less people go outside or drive in wet weather? I Googled it but found nothing
<Clare Q> Maybe it's not true.

Quote #317

<Sundeep Braich> paul can I finger you?
<pacifist_049> go ahead
<pacifist_049> left a bit.
<Sundeep Braich> ooo nothing happens!
<pacifist_049> speak for yourself.

Quote #318

<pacifist_049> Bryn Salisbury: You're not touching my cock.
<pacifist_049> Don't quote that.
What; like this? - Dan Q

Quote #320

<Gareth Bowker> the middle-eastern way of doing things is to exaggerate everything
<Gareth Bowker> "that meal was the best meal I've ever had, bar none" as opposed to "yeah, thanks"
<Kit Lane> well that's fine
<Kit Lane> but you'd think they would understand that complmenting a chef is subtly different from nuclear anhiliation
<Kit Lane> unless its Dans chilli

Quote #321

<hayley> Nothing was flashing at me this morning, so now I'm back in the library.

Quote #323

<Clare Q> hilaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarious

Quote #324

<Kit Lane> Trains don't fly into buildings

Quote #325

<Gareth Bowker> every day should be KLF Thursday.

Quote #326

<Kit Lane> eh
<Kit Lane> hi
<Kit Lane> sorry
<Kit Lane> I was checking my neighbours bins

Quote #327

* rockmonkey picks up chatroom and shakes it
* feebeestar (n=feebee@rosslp1flb3.ross.aber.ac.uk) has joined #rockmonkey
<Andy Keohane> wow that was an unexpected result

Quote #328

* Clare Q gets out the MiB eye test gadget
* Clare Q puts on shades
* Clare Qpresses the button
<Clare Q> You were having a conversation about rocks...
<Andy Keohane> did you just flashy thing me?
<Clare Q> no
<feebeestar> did you just flash my boyfriend?

Quote #329

<MattInTheHat> Why the hell have I joined now?
<MattInTheHat> Everyone's at bloody Troma Night
* MattInTheHat is now known as JTA
<JTA> What everyone?
* JTA is now known as MattInTheHat
<MattInTheHat> Well, that was fun

Quote #330

* Matt Reynolds has quit IRC ("I'm off to watch Spartacus")
<pacifist_049> I'm off to watch Spartacus!
<Dan Q> I'M off to watch Spartacus!

Quote #331

<Matt Payne> I agree there really isn't enough lesbian
* Ruth Varley (n=RuthVarl@ has joined #RockMonkey
<Clare Q> summoned

Quote #332

* Dan Q clutches at what little masculinity he has left
<Jimmy Carter> not in work man, you'll get fired.

Quote #333

Ele Read: I'm a maths student who isn't very good at maths... I mean an art student who's no good at maths!
Claire Q: I think you're an art student who's no good at words.

Quote #334

Ruth Varley: Cancer is carcinogenic.

Quote #335

Ruth Varley Picking up a small wooden figurine:Huh, what happened to that person?
Claire Q: That's a pig.

Quote #336

Claire Q: All women are fickle.
Ruth Varley: I'm not fickle.
Claire Q: Yes you are.
Ruth Varley: Oh, ok then.

Quote #337

Ruth Varley: Women don't have problems, we cause them.

Quote #338

Claire Q: Ostriches squirt ink, don't they? Oh no, that's octopuses.

Quote #341

Claire Q: He can't be gay! He's Scottish!

Quote #343

(Looking at Christmas trees)
Claire Q: This one's a tenner! Can we get this one?
Bryn Salisbury: You say you want it now but I'll be the one that has to feed it and take it for walks.
Claire Q: No you won't! It's plastic! You don't have to take plastic trees for walks!

Quote #345

Jen Banks: How do you spell 'civilised'?
Matt Reynolds: C-I-V-I-L-I-S-E-D.
Jen writes the word out.
Jen Banks: I spelt it wrong.

Quote #347

Jen Banks: Sorry no, I'd do it, but I'm afraid I'm going to be wonder woman tonight.

Quote #355

Ruth Varley: I can't be a heroine! I don't have big enough breasts!

Quote #356

Ruth Varley: I'm normal. I'm the yardstick. I've always been the yardstick.
Claire Q: No, you're the metre stick. I'm the yardstick.

Quote #357

JTA: That's not geeky, it's because I've hacked the civ2 files...

Quote #359

Ruth Varley: Don't leave just because I won't let you diddle my cartilage.

Quote #360

Dan Q (jokingly): I have mastery over storms!
Claire Q (seriously): Well, it's not that big a step. You already have mastery over light switches.

Quote #361

Ele Read: I'm sorry, I'm not very good at spooning.

Quote #363

Lizzie Ragg (swaggering drunkenly out of a toilet): [mutters something incomprehensible]
Dan Q: ...said Lizzie, swaggering drunkenly out of the toilet.
Lizzie Ragg: HEY! I... don't slagger...

Quote #366

(after watching Taiko drummers for two hours)
Ruth Varley: I've still got a headache.
Claire Q: When you've got a headache, is there anything worse to sit through than two hours of drumming?
JTA: The holocaust?

Quote #368

<Jimmy Carter> I like killing and all, but even I have limits
<Clare Q> Yeah, if you kill *everyone*, who are you going to kill tomorrow?
<Jimmy Carter> quite

Quote #370

Ruth Varley: If I wasn't sleeping with 2 people I'd be monogamous.

Quote #371

Ruth Varley:You can't put nipples in pies.
Dan Q:Why?
Ruth Varley:'Cause you wouldn't have enough forks to eat them with. No... wait, that made sense in my head!

Quote #375

JTA (stroking the sugar off a mince pie): I don't need somebody to lick it for me; I'm quite capable of brushing it off all by myself.

Quote #376

JTA biting a piece of loose thread off his new hat: This hat doesn't taste as good as my old hat.
Ruth Varley: You tasted your old hat?
JTA: No. But it fitted better.

Quote #377

Claire Q: You need a wireless booster thingy, like a repeater speaker.
JTA: An internet parrot.
JTA: Polly want a packet?

Quote #378

Ruth Varley: Why aren't pillows made out of breasts?
JTA: Because they'd have to be refrigerated.

Quote #379

Talking about putting a mobius strip on a record player
Ruth Varley: You'd have to move the strip, not the needle, though.
Paul Mann: But that's how turntables work!

Quote #380

How to make a gramophone quieter
Ruth Varley: You could put something in the horn, like a trumpet. I mean, like you do with a trumpet, not put a trumpet in the horn, because that would be silly.

Quote #381

Ruth Varley: I don't have anything in my hand right now, I should put alcohol in it! Not, like, intravenously, because that would be wrong.

Quote #384

Ruth Varley is playing Tenchu...
Ruth Varley Man, another dead thing! Seriously, I don't know how you're meant to do this level unless you've brought the swords that kill dead things! Hey... that would have been a good idea...

Quote #386

Ruth Varley: Thinking about masturbation causes you pain?
JJTA emphatically : It does the way he (Dan Q) does it!

Quote #387

Rory Prior: It's most fun when you whip it and slap it.

Quote #391

Ruth Varley:Your food smells like making me hungry.

Quote #392

<Jimmy Carter> I want Leather-Topped-Library-Tables green
* JTA [n=jta@palmyra.fatbeast.co.uk] has joined #rockmonkey
<Clare Q> summoned

Quote #393

Claire Q: Has Ruth bought new boots yet?
Paul Mann: Ruth has lots of boots!
Claire Q: No, walking boots, not poke-JTA-in-the-nipple boots.

Quote #398

Claire Q: There aren't enough quotes about breasts.
Everyone: QUOTE!

Quote #399

JTA: Can you write notes in notepad?

Quote #404

Ruth Varley: Hey! I know about things that aren't sex!

Quote #405

Ruth Varley: I don't care about the plot, I just want to jump on stuff.

Quote #410

Claire Q: I think political correctness just passed me by.
(Paul adds the quote)
Claire Q: Hey! That's not even worth quoting. It would be if I said "just passed me by like all those Jews." But I didn't say that.

Quote #411

Ruth Varley: I'm sorry; raw dripping organs just don't do it for me... well... not internal ones.

Quote #414

Ruth turns away from computer source code, dejected, and mopes accross the room.
Ruth: That's it. I'm sick of breaking things.
*tinkle* *crash* as Ruth walks into a wine glass

Quote #415

(Discussing music)
Paul Mann: Go on then. Explain rap music...
Claire Q: Okay.
Paul Mann: ...without being racist.
Claire Q: Fuck.

Quote #419

Claire is hacking in Perl
Claire: I tried that, but the source highlighting didn't show it... but it worked anyway. It felt wrong, but it still worked; 'cos it felt wrong in a Perl way. Like anal sex.

Quote #423

Claire:Sometimes you need to not say things.
Amy:Yeah, but sometimes they say themselves!

Quote #425

Ruth: Nothing I'm saying tonight makes sense. I should just stop talking.
Paul: It's ok, I'm ignoring you.

Quote #427

JTA: I am gonna wobble through to Paul, so as to be sociabubble.

Quote #428

Ruth:It wouldn't be Christmas if we didn't all taste of glue!

Quote #429

Ruth:Not everyone is as geniusy as me.

Quote #430

Dan: It's can't cock, won't cock.
Claire: The show where lesbians learn to be straight!

Quote #432

Ruth: I've got a neckache in my ear.

Quote #433

Claire is holding a chocolate log at arms length.
Dan: What are you planning on doing with that?
Claire: I'm going to hold it until somebody takes it away and does something with it.
Ruth: I'd recommend putting it on a plate and chopping bits off it with a knife.
Paul: Then put it on a higher plate and worship it.
All eyes turn to Paul. Paul is silent.

Quote #434

Ruth: I think that killing Jews is wrong.
Claire: I think it depends upon the Jew.

Quote #438

Claire dances like a robot
Amy: Stop it or I'm going to have to oil you.

Quote #439

Amy: I'm only dyslexic when I'm writing.

Quote #442

Dan: Ruth: Female Genital Expert.
Claire: Fem... ital... SPURT!

Quote #445

Dan: *ring ring* *ring ring* *ring ring*
Ruth: Wait! I don't know how to pick you up!

Quote #447

Talking about word disassociation games.
Ruth: I think there's a link between "mead" and "brown." After all, they're the same colour.
Lizzie: Mead is a colour?

Quote #448

Claire: I know some history. I just don't know when it happened.

Quote #450

Playing "Chez Geek"
Claire: I'm calling "The Whiner" to your room.

Quote #451

Ruth: It must be really difficult to become addicted to things that can kill you.

Quote #452

JTA Reading a news headline over Ruth's shoulder:"Black given 6 years???!?"
Ruth: Conrad.
JTA: Oh. Right. Of course.

Quote #453

Claire: Cocopops is a great word. You can colour in 7/8ths of the letters.
Claire: Erm... If you colour in the C's.

Quote #454

Alex Matthews: Man, I'm so out of date. I haven't watched Top Of The Pops in ages!
Gareth Hopkins: Top Of The Pops isn't on any more.

Quote #455

Ruth:Aww, I need a thing to put in that hole. I don't have a thing. That makes me sad.

Quote #456

Dan Q: I don't have commitment phobia. In fact, I'm committed to two girls at once!

Quote #457

To Rory about a mystery beer
Paul:Is this yours? Nope, it's got flavour to it.

Quote #462

JTA: New year's day? That's... the first, isn't it?

Quote #471

After suggesting going for a walk and being met with mostly negative responses
Ruth:What are you going to do if you stay in, you're just gonna sit there, and stare at the... Oh my God, I've turned into a grownup!

Quote #472

Ruth: It smells hot.

Quote #473

Ruth: If God had meant us to be monogamous, why would he have given us two hands?
Claire: Because you need one hand to drive.

Quote #474

Paul Mann: What's that word for.... being able to express yourself really....well?

Quote #475

Dan Q: Sounds like the kitchen's oxidising again...

Quote #481

Dan: Anyone want some hurple tea?
Ruth: Hurple tea?
Dan: Yeah.
Ruth: Isn't it herbal tea?
Dan: What did I say?
Ruth: Hurple.
Dan: Oh, do you know why? It's because it's in a purple box.

Quote #482

Ruth: Can you not tell her hands from mine? I can!

Quote #486

Katie Sutton: There's nothing wrong with Rich Text; it's just the people who fail at using it.

Quote #487

Ruth: You're all made of elbows. Well, your elbow is.

Quote #488

Sarah: What are you buying from Argos, then?
Paul: Well, what do you think it is, bearing in mind I know exactly how much it will weigh?
Sarah: Why are you buying a sack of potatoes from Argos?

Quote #489

Dan: Woohoohoo! That went... amazingbang!
Martine: You must be one of the most eloquent people I know.

Quote #490

Martine: Transformers? Is that that boy-movie with the machines?

Quote #491

(discussing the situations in which it is acceptable to use a balloon whisk)
Ruth: Well... why would you be using a balloon whisk if you weren't making cake?
Claire: You might be... whisking... cabbage?

Quote #492

Claire: I always thought that balloon whisks ought to be able to float, if you put gas in them. 'Cos they look like balloons.
[stunned looks]
Claire: And... like a cloth over them or something.

Quote #493

Claire (to Dan): Your penis is like The Enormous Turnip. It takes a series of farm animals to pull it out.

Quote #494

Becky: Ow! You hit me in... in the phone!

Quote #495

(regarding Elton John)
Becky: If he had time to spend watching every programme that took the piss out of him, he wouldn't have enough time left to be gay in.

Quote #496

Claire: Is it alright to say "You never see an Indian with a cold?" Because it's alright to say "You never see a rabbit wearing glasses."

Quote #498

Dan: I'm scared of the cold.
Claire: Well hide under the covers!
(Dan gives a confused look for a moment, then understands)
Dan: Sorry; I thought you said "hide in the cupboard."
Claire: You can't hide in the cupboard. Kit's in there with no pants on. He'd keep you warm, though.

Quote #499

JTA: Two-stroke engines are really wierd. "Suck-bang-squeeze-blow."
Adam: Or "Friday," as some of us call it.

Quote #500

JTA: That's wrong. You fail Key Stage 3 Art.
Claire: No! I got an "A" in Key Stage 3 Art, actually.
(stops to think)
Claire: Hang on, I didn't take Key Stage 3 Art!

Quote #501

Dan: What're we going to eat on Christmas Day?
JTA: Goose!
Claire: Duck! Duck! GOOSE!
Ruth: What about something vegetarian?
(everybody slowly turns to look at Ruth with a collaborative "hey, SHE's something vegetarian" look)
Dan: That's right: on Christmas Day, everybody will eat Ruth!
Ruth: Paul won't like it...

Quote #504

More of the usual level of crudeness...
Amy: I kissed Ruth, and then Dan splashed all over me.
JTA: And her trousers got wet.

Quote #505

Claire: No! No milking Amy.

Quote #506

Claire: You have to try before you can fail.

Quote #508

Dan wishes to describe his favourite part of a hacking book
Dan: The single thingest... the thingest single... the thingle singest... the singest thingle...the REALLY COOL THING!

Quote #509

Beth: No, it wasn't Jimmy... it was one of my friends.

Quote #510

Beth: I only started eating chicken when I realised that they are just vegetables with legs.

Quote #512

Ruth: It must be horrible being a paedophile
Paul: Well, I imagine it's quite fun until you're caught...

Quote #513

Martine: The vending machines in ladies' toilets should sell food.
Dan: Do you think that would sell?
Martine: Hey: if you can have sex in there, you can eat in there.

Quote #517

Claire and Dan are in bed
Claire: Could you turn the light on?
Dan: I can't reach it. Could you?
Claire: Oh, fine then. [gets out of bed] I'll just clamber around the bed in the dark and hope I don't trip over some- [thud] OW!

Quote #518

Upon seeing a large pink pub which she can't fully make out the sign of.
Claire: The "Ship & Gaybar?" Oh... "Anchor."

Quote #519

Claire: It's where the cows all stand with their... wheels in... buckets.

Quote #520

Dan: Jimmy; can I bum your Boddi?
Jimmy: Sure!

Quote #521

Dan: Every crap has a sweetcorn lining.

Quote #523

During a discussion about idealism.
Penny: In an ideal world there'd be... dinosaurs... in the desert... and it'd be sooo brilliant.
Dan: Yeah, sure: dinosaurs in the desert...
Gareth: ...with nothing to drink...
Dan: ...going round, saying "water, water..."
Gareth: ...or saying, "that wet stuff that we need to drink but that we don't have a name for BECAUSE WE'RE DINOSAURS!"

Quote #524

Claire: I'm just frustrated when my own incompetence fails me.

Quote #525

Claire: I haven't seen The Godfather.
Dan: You haven't seen The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly?
Claire: I HAVE seen The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.
Ele: Me neither.

Quote #526

Claire: You (Northerners) take food, and you take other food, and you SMOOSH it all together, and then you put it in a PIE! With some CHIPS on the side, and put it all in a BUTTY, and then stick a layer of MASH on the top for good measure!

Quote #529

Dan: I hate these letters; there are more letters than numbers.

Quote #530

Ruth: Ooh, an envelope! Ooh, it smells of paper!

Quote #531

Ruth:Pfft. Optical illusion. Like those are real.

Quote #532

Ruth: Nothing I say is profound. Sometimes people hear profanities, but it's not my fault.

Quote #533

Ruth: There is no rational explanation that doesn't involve pixies.

Quote #534

Claire (of Dan): He was talking gibberish earlier.
Dan: I was not talking dibble-what?

Quote #535

Ruth: What use is an invisible towel? That'll never get anything dry!

Quote #536

Ruth: You look like you're sleepy. Or a zombie. You either need to sleep or to be decapitated.
Dan: Let's try one, and failing that, try the other.
Ruth: Which shall we try first?

Quote #537

Dan (looking at his web browser cookies): Hmm. I have some weird cookies.
Ruth: You *do* have a weird cock... I mean... COOKies.

Quote #538

JTA: Oh for the sake of Christ's limp cock.

Quote #541

Paul: They've got holes in, of course they'll float!

Quote #542

JTA (frustrated by the lack of working Internet): O for God's sake. Where does one buy new routers?

Matt Payne: Uhm. Online?

Quote #543

Discussing the advantages of Chinese Vs. Indian take-away
Paul Mann: This is the problem when your social group grows above... one.

Quote #544

Sarah Seaton: What's mutton made from?
Matt Payne: Lamb
Sarah Seaton: I thought it was baby cow...fish.

Quote #545

Dan and Claire have just finished packing, and are about to drive to Preston
Claire Q: Do I need my car keys?

Quote #546

Paul Mann: Turns out Carmen Miranda is actually Portugese-born Brazilian.
JTA: So, Spanish then?

Quote #548

Ruth Varley: I don't understand the thing that everyone has for Willow. Sure, she looks kinda hot, but she's just so wet...

Quote #550

Ruth: If you're trying not to get your hair wet, why are you wearing a bra?

Quote #551

Claire Q: There's nothing nut-like about Pecans. Apart from the fact that they're nuts.

Quote #553

Ruth: Now we have to make up more quotes about self-harm, and Claire will have to say something racist about it.
Dan: Like how she wishes the Jews would self-harm, or something.
Claire: Circumcision *is* self-harm!

Quote #554

<Penny Wild> Happy Thursday everyone :o)
<Dan Q> Happy Thursday, Penny.
* Dan Q passes out the Thursday Cake

Quote #555

Ruth Varley: Winning is for losers.

Quote #556

Ruth and JTA are talking about when they first met
JTA: Actually, out of the people in Block 9 I would probably have talked to me, too. But only because I would have gone: "Hey, someone else with a waistcoat!".

Quote #557

Ruth: Working with Enterprise Java is like having an extra person on your team who hates you and wants your project to fail.

Quote #558

Ruth: I fixed the fix that fixed the fix. Then I fixed the fixtures.

Quote #559

Gareth Hopkins: Do you mean one pound weight or one pound money?
Alex Matthews: One pound.

Quote #560

Ruth Varley: People are always integer quantities. Unless they're cripples, obviously...

Quote #561

Claire: There's nothing brave about fighting cancer. I mean, it's not like you're fighting the Germans or anything.


Claire: I guess on reflection that sounds kind of bad. But it's not really a fight is it? It should involve fists and things.

Quote #562

Ruth: Oh my God, it's five past twelve. I need to go home.
Claire: My nipples tell you this?

Quote #564

Claire: Every year, it seems like there's more and more history.
Adam: And that's as true today as it's ever been.
Dan: It'll be even more true tomorrow!

Quote #565

Claire Q: If you breed an American Indian and an Indian American, do you have a 50/50 chance of getting an American American or an Indian Indian?


Ruth: It's a good point though....

Quote #566

(To Penny)

Ruth: I'm disturbed, and I'm not even you!

Quote #568

Dan: I've been dumped on valentines day. Well, technically I was dumped the day before but I didn't get the voicemail in time.

Quote #569

<Ruth Varley> [dan]THEYSAY £ HR
<Ruth Varley> Sry, hi caplok
* Dan Q watches Ruth turn into a lolcat

Quote #570

<Clare Q> There's a helpline for if you hear voices. Why bother?
<Clare Q> You could just have a silent answer machine.

Quote #572

JTA: Nipples! Drink!
Ruth Varley: Didn't we already see those nipples?
Dan Q: This is why trainspotting is better than lesbian porn. All trains have numbers.

Quote #573

Claire picks up the landline phone to call her dad in Spain and stands staring at the keypad for some time...
Claire: Arrgh! I can't find the "plus" key.

Quote #574

in the wee-small hours of the morning, a message comes in from Thailand
<Jimmy Carter> anyone about?
<Jimmy Carter> I'm in jail- I'm sending this by morse code through an exposed phone line
<Jimmy Carter> send help
<Jimmy Carter> the cockroaches are eating my face
<Jimmy Carter> ...ok, not really, I'm in a webcafe in bangkok
<Jimmy Carter> cancel operation Jimmy CarterRescue

Quote #575

Matt Payne: Whenever my Dad thinks, his brain goes to his head.

Quote #577

Rory: You're exploiting those bees!
Paul: But they make far more honey than they can use.
Claire Q: Just like those kids with those trainers.

Quote #579

Claire: I don't have legs. Because I'm short.

Quote #580

Rory: Inbetweeny-tastic.
Claire: Inbetwastic!

Quote #581

talking about wiki tags
Claire: We have breasts and nipples, but no penis.
Dan: Speak for yourself...

Quote #582

Ruth: C'mon, even armageddon has a good side!
Chris Cooke: You mean like, it's the end of the world, but everyone gets cake?

Quote #583

About to go to the Cottage
Ruth: I'm really not with it, today.
JTA: O dear. D'you want to take soft drinks?
Ruth: Uhm. no, thanks. I'm back on that whole "not drinking alcohol during the week" thing...

Quote #585

Talking about clubs at Aber Students Union
Ruth: Is there a disabled people's club?
Claire: There's an afro-carribean club. That's similar.

Quote #586

Dan suggests using his phone and a laptop to connect to the internet on the move
Ruth: By the time you're going on the motorway, won't you be going too fast for the... signal... fairies... to keep up with you?

Quote #587

Ruth: These jeans came from Debenhams.
Dan: Are you sure? The label on them says "Pineapple."
Claire: Could that be the washing instructions? Is there a picture of a pineapple too?

Quote #588

JTA: They've... release Super Monkey Ball for the iPhone.
Ruth: My God. We've reached the pinnacle of Gay.

Quote #589

Ruth: Can I drive?
JTA: No, you've been drinking!
Ruth: Erm, no I haven't.
JTA: Oh, right, yes. That was me.

Quote #590

Alex has a satellite photo of Earth on his desktop wallpaper
Gareth: Where was that taken from?

Quote #591

Claire: What do you call pickled onions before they're pickled?
Dan: Onions.
Claire: No, that's not right.
Dan: Umm. Yes, it is.

Quote #593

Referring to a film at Troma Night

Claire:It's in Japanese by the way...
Dan:How would I know, I can't see the screen -- I was wondering why I couldn't understand it!

Quote #594

Claire: Blebleblebleblebleblebleble.
Dan: Uhh... what?
Claire: Oh. Did I say that out loud?
Dan nods.
Claire: Not that it's even possible to think that.
Dan: Well, you obviously did.
Claire: I don't really mean, "Did I say that out loud?" I meant, "Did I say that while you were here?"
Dan: Umm...
Claire: I was making a scrolling sound because I'm reading a PDF.
Dan: ...

Quote #597

<Clare Q> /^(.*)_(.*).txt$/
<Kit Lane> um
<Clare Q> My regular expression is staring at me
<Kit Lane> lol
<Clare Q> or possibly is made of shiny breasts

Quote #598

Claire: Feel my hand. It's numb.

Quote #599

Alex: It's so hot I'm sweating like a pig. And I don't sweat.

Quote #601

Dan: Did you ever fart so hard that your ears popped?

Quote #602

Claire: When do you want to barbecue stuff?
Penny: I'm tasty now.

Quote #603

Pennny: It's like when you're trying to spell things with spaghetti - if you don't have alphabet spaghetti, it's just not going to work!

Quote #604

Claire: He probably was younger than me: he's ginger.
Dan: And ginger people... don't live very long?
Claire: Not when they're around me, they don't!

Quote #605

Claire: You're all... nose.
Dan: I think you've had enough to drink.
Claire: No. I always say that!
Dan: No you don't.
Claire: Oh yeah.

Quote #606

Claire: Do you get hedgehogs in the North?

Quote #607

Dan: What's that game that the Mayans used to play with their elbows?
JTA: Chocolate.

Quote #608

Ruth: I always like the sound of "making love." It sounds like "sex," but... with cake!

Quote #609

Penny says something that could be construed as racist.
Dan: Welcome to Claire's club.
Claire: I have a club? Cool. Can we not let any blacks in.

Quote #610

Claire: My mouth hurts from thinking.

Quote #611

during a discussion about going and watching a show involving lesbians
Dan: Yeah, I could manage a lesbian.
Ruth: Well, I could manage two lesbians.
Claire: I could manage three lesbians.
Ruth: And I could manage four lesbians.
Claire: Lick that thing!
(reference to "Eat That Thing!" - a game and a Chez Geek card)

Quote #614

Penny Wild tells the history of her sex life
Dan: So what you're saying is that the first boyfriend was too big, and the second boyfriend was too small, but the third boyfriend was just right.
Penny: Yeah.
Dan: Goldicocks!

Quote #615

Claire: You've forced me to throw away perfectly good trousers that I really liked, just because... ... ...
Dan: ...they don't fit?
Claire: Yeah; you could put it like that.

Quote #617

Claire: EVERYBODY loves the Grand National. Because it's just a load of horses. Running.

Quote #619

Dan: Watch you feet, Penny!
Penny: What feet? Where?

Quote #620

Dan: They've done a remake of Settlers 2 with a 3D-world.
Claire: But the surface of the Earth is 2D. Well, it's not, but it is if you think about it.

Quote #621

Dan: Am I more or less fun than cheese?
Claire: What kind of cheese?

Quote #623

Claire: You're gone all aromatic.
Claire: Uhh. I probably mean "romantic."

Quote #624

Ruth: There's no such thing as invisible things. Except for things that are invisible... but they DON'T INCLUDE TOWELS.

Quote #626

Claire is masturbating at the end of a day of too-much-coffee
Claire: Maybe this will make me calm. Maybe this is how you calm down toddlers.

Quote #627

Claire: Have you something'ed the thing. No... wait, that's not what I meant. I meant that stupid thing I said earlier.

Quote #628

Claire: Why have I undid the things? No; wait - that's not even a sentence.

Quote #629

Amy: You are such a goth! When did you last wear a colour?
Ele: Umm. 16?
Amy: You were 16 when you last wore a colour?
Ele: Oh, sorry. I thought you said "collar."

Quote #630

Claire: Black people wear all that bling so they can find one another in the dark.
JTA: Also, so there's something for the police lights to reflect off.

Quote #632

JTA: There wasn't any black pudding in that breakfast! I've just had a vegetarian breakfast!
Ruth: But there was loads of bacon and sausages and things...
JTA: There wasn't any pig's blood. That makes it vegetarian.

Quote #633

Kt Errington: "Why is it that when Europe gets together the result is 'gay'?"

Quote #634

Dan: Have you ever played Chronotron?
Dan: It's spelt just like you'd think.
Dan: C, h...
Dan: um... er... r?

Quote #636

<Jimmy Carter> I'm trying to be more literealy
<Jimmy Carter> lititary
<Jimmy Carter> into literature
<Jimmy Carter> clearly I have some way to go

Quote #638

Claire has been talking about extradition laws
<Dan Q> [citation needed]
<Ruth Varley> Dan Q: Bringing moderation to #rockmonkey
<Ruth Varley> Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd type

Quote #639

Alex: I considered getting myself a hobby, once. Then I took up drinking. Now I consider that a hobby.

Quote #656

Dan: I don't think this schema's right. You either have too many tables or not enough.

Quote #658

Dan: Being gay gives you the runs.

Quote #659

Claire: Right; that's it. I'm making a Facebook friend group called "Actual Friends."
Dan: Why don't you just actually only add friends to your friends list if they're actually your friends?
Claire: You can't just tell somebody "No, I'm not going to be your Facebook friend."
Dan: Yes you can. And I do. I add people to my friends list if I might ever want to speak to them again, not because Facebook tells me that we have 16 friends in common.
Claire: It doesn't work like that. You don't add people to your friends list because you want to talk to them when you obviously don't, you add them to your friends list so that Facebook shares all the personal information with them that you don't want them to have.

Quote #660

Discussing bouncing walnuts off people's heads
Dan: "Walnuts aren't hard, it won't hurt"
Throws walnut at own head
Dan: "Ow."

Quote #661

Claire's doing the washing up
Claire: how do I make the water go away?
Dan: Pull out the plug.
Claire: Where is it?
Dan: At the bottom of the sink...

Quote #662

Claire: How do I see my hidden field?

Quote #663

Ruth: Dan's neck smells good.
Claire: It's alright, I guess. It smells of Dan, which means you can tell he hasn't transformed into someone else without telling me.
Ruth: Are you telling me that smelling his neck is the only way you can tell?
Claire: Well, it's a clue.

Quote #664

Dan and Ruth are talking about Claire's fetish for putting her finger in people's belly buttons
Claire: I haven't done that in years, but people keep bringing it up! It's like that time I gassed those jews.

Quote #665

[Claire Q Claire]: I'm not sure I can code like this. (topless) I'll get distracted.
[Dan Q Dan] gives a quizzical look.
[Claire Q Claire]: What? I *am* really hot.

Quote #666

Claire: You know what's wrong with being smarter than everybody else?
Dan: You know what's wrong with being more arrogant than everybody else?
Claire: NOTHING! It's great.

Quote #667

< Ruth Varley> I'll just carry right on proofreading text that users van view. what can piossibly go wrong?

Quote #671

claire_q: I am not a hobbit! Look at my feet! Look at my fucking feet! (Brandishes foot). Look at my fucking feet and say they aren't hairy!

Quote #672

[Alex Matthews Alex Matthews]: I can't believe it! This guy's ripped off all of my ideas, even before I had them.

Quote #675

Alex Matthews: If I was told I'd have to go back to school, I'd freak! I'd sooner go back to jail. I mean... TO JAIL.

Quote #676

[Jimmy Carter Jimmy]: See me, I remember my team's strengths and weaknesses, and use them in a tactical way... Oh shit, I'm number 2!

Quote #677

[Jimmy Carter Jimmy]: Is it rape, if it's a dog?

Quote #681

Ruth draws a picture on the whiteboard
Ruth: This... is what our development process looks like.
Dan: It looks like Mickey Mouse, wearing Mickey Mouse ears.
Ruth goes on to explain what the diagram means
Dan: So is that good, or bad?
Ruth: Yes, I think so.

Quote #682

JTA and some girlare discussing the taste of semen and have been for aaaaaages
Ruth: You two have loads of stuff in common and this is what you bond over? Semen?!?

Quote #683

Claire: Two positives DO make a negative... There's a black gay guy who can't dance!

Quote #684

claire_q: I assume I don't hear my stomach internally. It probably has to send... waves of sounds into my... ear mandible.

Quote #685

Ruth: Why are you testing on live?
Dan: I'm not testing on live!
Ruth: Then why did you say you weren't?

Quote #686

Ruth: You're so wrong! It's like you took right, and turned it inside out, and wore it as a coat, or something!

Quote #687

Claire: Why does a pillow cost £30?
Ruth: Maybe it's made out of babies.

Quote #688

Jimmy: Every time I say to get up or do something you turn into... a... Tyrannostaystillasaurus. Rex.

Quote #689

Annie: Ivan the Terrible wasn't evil.
Ruth Varley: I thought he impaled people?
Annie: That was Vlad the Impaler...

Quote #690

On men
Ruth_Varley: Why are all the cute ones taken?
Jen_Banks: Uhhh, because you took two of them?

Quote #691

Claire: You don't say 'Corpus of Knowledge', you just say 'Corpus' - the 'Knowledge' part is implied because it's in latin.

Quote #692

Paul: The copy protection on this DVD is really clever. Nobody's been able to crack it yet!
JTA: Really? When was it released?
Paul: Um. Tomorrow.

Quote #693

Jimmy: Damn, I meant to go to a time management workshop weeks ago!

Quote #694

Ruth: (staring at code) Fifty-over-one?
Dan: Are you sure you aren\'t dividing by Friday again?

Quote #695

Ruth: Argh! Why is my code deciding to represent 28 over 7 as a fraction?
Dan: Um, because it\'s pi?
Ruth: No... it\'s 4...

Quote #696

Dan shows JTA his \"brave\" new shirt
JTA: O dear fuckalmighty Christ.

Quote #1339

:Jimmy\'s hair is getting rather long.

[Claire Claire Q]: You\'re starting to look like a Beatle! Unfortunatly it\'s Ringo.

You're probably looking to hang out at Abnib Home, where the birthdays are.